Hey Family,

I was going to write about the wounded masculine but I had this “altercation” while surfing this morning and it seems to be the thing that really wants to come through, plus it ties in well with everything I have experienced this past year and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

I won’t name any names but I had a really shity experience with some people I tried to collaborate with professionally recently. There were heavy power differentials within our dynamics that ultimately led to me being silenced and for my story around surviving childhood sexual abuse to be exploited. Without getting into too many details I will just say I felt really disempowered in that relationship and it never felt safe to share my thoughts or opinions. I held back when I witnessed things that were unethical, harmful and inhumane. Ultimately, that was really disempowering for those who had power over me as well because they missed out on the opportunity to learn and grow from what I had to share.

What does this have to do with surfing? Well, I told myself after I left that relationship with them that I would never again let myself be silenced and that I was really ready to reclaim my full power. Most of my time with those collaborators felt so tumultuous and while I left relatively unscathed, the mental and emotional trauma of feeling so helpless with them really had me at my rock bottom when it came to giving my power away and I just told myself, “NEVER AGAIN.” When we hit these kinds of rock bottoms and we make these kinds of declarations Spirit/God/The Universe will ask, “but how serious are you?” You’ll be initiated into an integration period where you will get to take all of your mental, spiritual and emotional lessons and put them into real world action. I got one of these opportunities to integrate on the water today. I’ve had many opportunities since my declaration to myself earlier this year but today’s was really special.

A more experienced surfer yelled at me and cussed me out for apparently getting in his way when he tried to drop into a wave. It was really aggressive and hostile to say the least. Instead of responding with anger or defensiveness I was genuinely confused so I gestured with a shrug of like, “what are you yelling about man?” When I told him I honestly didn’t know what I did wrong there, he took the time to teach me what he thought would’ve been the best way for me to get out of the way and display proper etiquette and safety protocols. I apologized for getting in his way and we both carried on living our lives.

I thought about it more because this kind of anger and hostility is actually really common in surf culture at least here in the states and I think most western places. And I decided I wanted to take a stand for the kind of surf culture that I want to be a part of. One that is kind and friendly and that celebrates newcomers, one that is playful and joyous. I want to participate in a surf culture where we all take individual and collective responsibility for community care and safety. So I did two things.

First, I supported and celebrated this girl who was not so comfortable in the water who I noticed was going for a lot of waves but not fully committing. After she pulled out of a couple waves that I went for and got, I told her that we could party together and that I’d never yell at her for dropping into a wave with me. Then I asked her if she was nervous. She said she just hadn’t been surfing in a while and was feeling out of sorts. So I told her, “the waves look like they are going to break harshly but they are actually pretty soft, just keep paddling and go for it, you’ll be alright.” A few minutes later I noticed her paddling out from the inside and I asked her if she got one and with a huge beaming grin she said, “I did! Thank you for the pep talk, it helped!”

Secondly, I found that guy later in the water and I said “Thank you for giving me those tips, they were really helpful and I’ll think about them from now on when I am trying to get out of someone’s way. And take it or leave it but I don’t think that yelling at newer people is the most effective way to create a safe environment for all of us.” He was super defensive and started arguing with me and swearing at me again. He said I should have just taken his tip quietly and moved on. I wasn’t surprised by his response but I knew this was a great opportunity for me to share my opinions and speak up when I witness something harmful, something that I know is all too common in the surfing community. I feel so much more empowered and righteous just for saying something, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to integrate more of my power!

What I was surprised by was that 20 mins later after I’d gotten out of the water and showered off, he found me in the parking lot and said that I was right and he was sorry for yelling at me. We exchanged some words and it ended with him saying, I hope to see you out here again sometime.

WOAHHHHHHH!!!!!

I have so many points or lessons to take away from this miracle moment that pertain to self healing, empowerment and even social justice/activism.

1. It takes a lot of nervous system regulation skills and practice to be able to stay grounded enough in situations where you feel unsafe or threatened to think about appropriate constructive responses let alone actually say them. I’ve been actively working on this for a long time and used to only be able to come up with things to say after the matter and then proceed to beat myself up. “Dude, c’mon why didn't you say this? Or you should’ve said this. WTF?!?!” This was a couple years ago but now my response to myself and to those of you who have similar tapes in your head… well, because your nervous system was activated and you were scared, your body was trying to keep you safe so it shunted energy away from the parts of your brain that are required for intellectual and educational responses! So give yourself grace and compassion. If you’re working on speaking your mind more in the moment, just keep being mindful, patient and compassionate with yourself in the process. If you didn’t have a witty response, you will next time. Or maybe you won’t next time neither and that is okay but eventually you will if that is your desire!
2. If I had not said anything to this guy in the water today he would’ve missed the opportunity to be invited into a different way of being in the water and maybe even other areas of his life. By prioritizing my growth and empowerment, I also gave him the opportunity to grow too and he took it. We both left being more empowered, how cool is that? Never diminish how valuable your thoughts and feelings are, if we all took the opportunity to invite others into further growth and expansion simply because we choose to stay in our own power and speak up when we see things that are questionable or straight up harmful, unethical or inhumane imagine how different the world would be!
3. Our social justice and activism work is futile if we are only to meet fire with fire. I’ve participated in social justice work across many different industries and cultures, higher ed, medical care, the wellness industry and more. I know all too well the expression of the angry activist who rebels against our broken systems of oppression by villainizing those who have more privileges and advantages within those systems. Surfing is just another culture that has been appropriated and exploited by the western man but does that mean I'm going to shit on and retaliate against every cis straight presenting white man in the water. No. Even when they are being turds and are probably worthy of being retaliated against, I’m still not going to do that. It's not an effective use of my energy but when I feel safe and resourced enough to invite those that I see being harmful, no matter what background they come from, into a more loving way of being I will. I’m going to try to use my voice and give them the opportunity to learn about new ways of relating and communicating with others.
4. What kind of world or culture do you want to see more of and how can you take a stand for that? How can you speak and act in alignment with that more often? I went down two routes with that today. One route I consider is like the positive reinforcement route and I just created that culture I stand for with that girl by celebrating her and helping her to feel more safe in the water. The other route is more like a corrective measure and that was standing up to what I don’t want persisting in surf culture oranywhere on this planet anymore. Basically be the change you want to see in the world. I saw a quote on instagram today and it went something like, “how can I possibly change the world, I'm just one person. - Said 8 billion people.”
5. Non violent communication tactics work. I haven’t studied them formally but I’m sure what I did today falls somewhere in that school of thought. I approached this disagreement with this guy by first trying to relate and see where he was coming from. Which is why I started by thanking him because I see it as he was frustrated not only because I got in his way but that it was potentially unsafe. So I let him know that I appreciate him teaching me how to be more safe out there. Then I gave him the option to agree or disagree with my train of thought because I don’t claim to have all the answers and I don’t want to force my beliefs on anyone which is why I said, “take it or leave it” before I gave him feedback. By starting out this sensitive conversation in both these ways I set the foundation for more relating, understanding, softness and receptivity between us. And it worked! Not right away but he obviously received me and cared enough to come apologize later.

I think the biggest take away message I have from all of this is that the world has enough opposition and violence in it. It's what causes our wars and such prevalent cultures of exploiting fellow humans and our natural resources for all their worth. It's what gives rise to the dehumanization of ourselves and one another and the stripping away of reverence for life in all its forms.

In general, I assumed that this guy wanted something similar to what I wanted. To be safe in the water while we are all having the most fun. He just didn’t realize that nervous system safety is just as important as physical safety and that when we prioritize our nervous system wellbeing it can actually give rise to more physical safety. When we all feel grounded and regulated out there we can actually think more clearly and make smarter decisions instead of panicking and freezing or chaotically paddling all over the place. And that yelling and swearing at each other, especially newer people who are already feeling really scared is not actually going to make anyone safer nor have more fun.

In some ways he and I together ended up creating more of a partnership, of being on the same team towards a shared goal. If I had yelled back at him and cussed him out, I would have only helped him to create a me vs you situation. Further polarity, further separation, more fear and more violence.

This train of thought and the lessons from the experiences I shared here today can be applied across the board, in all relationships, in all cultures, in all industries and politics. This may be an overly utopian belief but if the majority of us thought and practiced in this way we probably wouldn’t have any more wars and we wouldn’t be in such a pickle with our planetary and global human health crises. I don’t know, maybe?

Thank you all for reading. Its been hard to know what to say with such a prevalent genocide taking place across the globe. I guess when it seems like there is not enough we can do, choosing peace and opting out of violence in every way and in every day of our lives is something. Standing for our own growth and empowerment and thereby inviting others into further growth and empowerment is something.

​If you haven’t signed this petition or made the call to your local congressperson to call a cease fire you can do so here. It literally just takes a few seconds, you can just sign the petition and not make the call. But I promise the call is not so hard either, you’ll be given a script to read and most likely you’ll go to voicemail where you can read off the script, hang up and be done in less than 30 seconds.

And when nothing seems helpful, maybe love can be enough.

Shanti Shanti Shanti,

Leucas

P.S. If you'd like to practice these concepts with me in real time and steward in the New Earth paradigm with like minded folx I invite you to sign up for the Guardian Resurgence Mission where you can learn about what we are building and how you can join. Click here to get this email sequence.​

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